Comparison With Others Will Breed Discontentment

It has certainly been several months since I've written here. I've been busy writing everywhere else! From my hand written journals to my other 2 blogs to other websites around the net. I love to write and write often. I just don't always have something in particular to write about - though I WANT to write!

Anyhoo, I thought maybe I could try to use this place to reflect on the weekly sermon's from my church. I'll keep the highlights in a personal, handwritten journal, but work out my thoughts here in order to get those highlights. :)

This week our pastor talked about stewardship, namely with finances. However, there was something he said that really grabbed my spirit. He said,

Comparison with others breeds discontentment.

Now, my problem isn't comparing myself to others in material things. My problem has been comparing my home school to everyone else's home school ~ or my blog to everyone else's blog. I automatically think that if "so and so" is doing that, I should be to. Or if they can have that many readers, why can't I? Journey to a Gracious Woman (my main blog thus far) has less than 50 readers...at one point it started at zero. But my question [to myself] is this...if I am not content with what I have now, will I be when I get more? Probably not.

Or, in my home school, I often forget I have different children who have different parents then everyone else. I also have access to different resources and support systems. It's rather silly to compare myself to others and be dissatisfied. Gosh, maybe someone is doing that when they look at us.

I want to give up comparing myself to others and just be happy, and have our own style, rather then trying to copy everyone else's.

My job is to follow where God leads me, not where he's leading someone else.

That goes along with blogging, too. I've watched people become so successful at blogging and gaining massive readership - but for me, in this season of my life, it's just not possible. I don't have the time available to me to put in that much work that is required to build up such a blog. Sure, I can do what I can - a little here, a little there. But I can't poor my life into it. Right now that right goes to my children and their discipleship.

I write as I learn, for myself and whoever is willing to read. But I must remain content in that or I will never have joy.

Ahhh, I feel much better! :)

Children's Devotions

It's been tough trying to find just the right devotional [to purchase] for our family. After a while, I gave up looking. For a while now, I've had this urge to write my own. Why not? If I can't find what I'm looking for, why not create it?

I'm not necessarily looking for it to be published, however, if it ends up going down that road, that will be fine. I'll more than likely share some, and if people are THAT interested, it may be worth looking into. I would love to help whoever I can, too.

It's just that right now, I have NO IDEA how to start. You'd think I could just start writing, but it doesn't seem that simple. First, I have to pick a portion of scripture to draw from. Where do I start?!

This is where I need the wisdom and direction of the Lord. God, where do you want me to start? Please, keep speaking to me on this!

New Seasons

I am having a bit of a rough time in this new season of my life. It's different then what I'm used to. We switched churches about 6 months ago - from a large church to a home church. The home church is awesome and the people are great. It's just that fellowship is not what it used to be. Even before the big church, we attended a smaller church that was bursting with friendships. Twice a month we'd have home groups at a dear couple's house. Since moving churches, we are now in different circles and it is extremely challenging to connect. I miss our fellowship terribly.

I don't know whether it good to dwell on the past. Probably not. I understand we go through different seasons and things can't stay the same way forever. God moves us around and equips us in different ways and in different places. Sometimes seclusion from too much social life is intentional in order to focus on other things ~ like God.

I have also found it more difficult to cultivate new friendships. So many of my efforts of friend making have ended in people moving out of state. It has been challenging to want to try again and again. It's not always easy to connect with just anyone. It's not easy to have to pour myself into someone new all over again. Friendships take work! Not that I'm not willing, but I am weary.

I just miss old friends from the past and want to reconnect. :(

God, I'm Ready

Even if I'm not ready, Lord, I'm ready. I'm ready to finally surrender and let go of all the things I'm trying to accomplish. I'm ready to let you take control because I can no longer carry such a burden. I don't know where to start or what to do, but I'm handing the controls over to you. Father, tell me what to do and I'll do it. Speak to me daily, and I'll do my best to be listening for your voice. Help me use the tools I have to serve the purpose you've given me. Tell me how to use them and when.

Tell me what each of my children most need from me and how to best reach each of them. Give me the discernment I need to know what to keep and what to let go of. I'm ready God, for you to take over and just use me and guide me where you will. You know better than me. I just need to listen.

I'm ready God, even if I'm not.

Closet Cleaning

I'm thumbing through a book I received as a gift last year by Lisa Bevere called The True Measure of a Woman. Me and a few friends began to read and do this study together, but never finished because major transitions took place. In fact, I don't think we even got past chapter 2. So here I am, recording a few things here. :)

Her second chapter talks about cleaning out our "closets". Of course I'm familiar with the term, but confused by Lisa's details regarding what I'm supposed to be cleaning out! It mentions things from the past, but I'm not holding on to things in the past. I need to deal with things in the present. lol

One specific thing she does mention is cleaning out "items" that are still in good condition but need to be passed on to someone else. They are not necessarily "bad", just no longer for me. One thing immediately came to mind. Ministry. Particularly online ministry. I've been doing it for about 7 years now - since my daughter was but 3 months old. Now I have four children and things are quite busy at home. I can no longer do that type of ministry, so last week I let it go. I'm sure in the future it will be something that will come back again, but not for many years, as I will still have children in the home for quite a while yet! :)

Though I have given up regular ministry, I still write every now and then - couple times a week, about, at my site, Journey to a Gracious Woman. It is a nice release once in a while and I really enjoy Word-Filled Wednesdays because I like taking photos of flowers and scenery and adding scripture to them.

So, now that my "closet" is becoming cleaned out, I have more room to breathe. More time, less stress. My kids are enjoying more of mommy! :)

Rising Early

Ahhh...the dreaded, early morning hours. The hour I hope to awake in order to spend time with the Lord, but is that really my motive? Why are they so dreaded when it's time I get to spend at my Father's feet? Something I cannot grasp so much during the day?

I know not everyone is going to have the same "quiet time". But for some reason, I really feel pressed to get up early. I feel deprived otherwise. Plus, my youngest is sleeping through the night, so it's not like I need the extra sleep.

Then I came across this verse, per my husband:
Unless the Lord builds the house, it's builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchman stand guard in vain.
In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat--
for he grants sleep to those He loves.
Psalm 127:1-2

Why am I attempting to get up early? Out of obligation? Or out of sincere want to spend time with Jesus? The answer is clear to me. It is out of obligation...something I feel I *must* do. Once I drop that feeling of basically legalism, I can be free to get up and sit at His feet because I choose to.

Which is what I did this morning.

More Baby Talk

Not that I'm worried *yet*, but I am running a little behind on my cycle and I don't think I actually ovulated this month. I didn't think I could possibly be pregnant until something dawned on me. I typed my question into the Google search engine (I love Google!), which was "Can you get pregnant the day after your period"?, because, well, I thought it would be a "safe day" for us to...you know...well, anyways. I came up with "Baby Center" which had several answers from community members. Let's just say my heart began to race....fast.

I cannot believe how many women on there said they got pregnant the first day after they stopped bleeding, believing they were "safe". Oi.

I just had a conversation TODAY with my husband about the whole baby factor. He said he definitely wants more...just not right now. Then he went into a list of reasons why now would not be good.

Great. So if I am, I get to break the news. *sigh*

I am not against children. I just don't want my husband to worry about money and providing for his family. We already have 2 in diapers.

Only God can intervene and give him peace. Only He can remind him who our Provider is and there will be no doubts this is another God ordained child and that He will care for us like He promised.

*Update* - I am not pregnant - just for the record! ;-)